Darkness Of The Soul

For the past four months I have been forced to look into my past. I’ve had to come to terms with my weaknesses and strengths. I have been pushed and prodded to look deeper into my soul. After I searched I walked away with a wounded everything. Some things I knew were coming and some I didn’t. My world, as I knew it, was whisked away in the blink of an eye

My body, spirit and soul are decimated. I have had to deal with betrayal, broken trust and knowledge of a couple of people that hurt me in the worst possible way.

Several months ago, the Lord started to prod me to read Job. When I was done I saw something that I never caught before. When the Lord visited Job and his three friends, God reminded them of who he was. One thing stuck out to me, and that was that the Lord asked Job to forgive and pray blessings on his three friends. God gave no promises of renewed health or restoration of all that Job had lost. Job, I believe, had to struggle before doing God’s will.

Job did obey then God restored all that was lost to him. He had many sons and daughters, his wealth and health were restored. The Lord has asked me to forgive some people that let me down. The Lord is asking me to forgive some that have physically hurt me.

Everything within me screams, they don’t deserve it and why am I the one that has to take the first step. For several months I couldn’t do it. I was barraged with to many things at one time. I was just hit with another situation yesterday. I feel as if I’m at breaking point, but I have to remember who is my salvation and redeemer is. For the past 4 months I’ve felt abandoned and all alone. I felt as if people didn’t care.

I just learned something new about my past. It was about a person I should have been able to trust, who should be my knight in shining armor. He turned out to be a despot and robbed me of my self respect. I admit that I’m in denial right now. No way could this happen to me. I wasn’t prepared for the knowledge that I received yesterday and today.

When something hits us out of the blue, we need to dig deeper into Jesus and his loving embrace. I was reminded today that God was with me during my hour of need. He didn’t walk away. He was sitting there crying and had to let free will take its course.

If anyone is in deep pain, I encourage you to go to someone you can trust. They can help you see the light at the end of your dark tunnel, your darkness of the soul.

May the Lord bless everyone that is hurting and help them to see you. Lord let them see the light at the end of the tunnel. I pray blessing and peace on everyone.